"But Egon..."
"NO!"
"Spengs..."
"No! Not a chance, Peter!"
Ray stuck his head in the room. "Wow, guys, what's going on? I could hear
you from all the way outside!"
As one, Egon, Peter and Winston turned to the door, looking embarrassed, amused
and a little guilty respectively. "Raymond, perhaps you had best
leave," Egon said in a dignified manner. "I'm positive that the
conversation of these two nymphomaniacs is too crude for ears such as
yours."
"Wanna bet?" Winston returned smartly, leaving Ray to stifle a laugh
while Peter smirked.
"But Spengs...I thought
that's why you loved me!"
"There are many reasons why I am fond of you, Doctor Venkman, however we
are not having this discussion and the matter is closed."
Now Ray was really curious. "Oh, come on, guys, what's going on?"
Peter snorted inelegantly. "It's really unfair, Ray. We're trying to have a
guy talk here, you know? Real quality male bonding time, etcetera. But Egon
won't participate."
"Peter..."
"And if he doesn't obey psychologist's orders, he's not gonna get any
tonight."
"PETER!"
Mercifully, Winston explained the situation to Ray. "You remember the
nickname I gave you in bed a few months ago? More specifically, a part of
you?"
Ray went bright red, but nevertheless grinned. "Yeah, I remember. What's
that got to do with this?"
"Well, Spengs here won't tell us what his little nickname is, and Winston
and I don't think that's very fair considering we're willing to admit to
ours," Peter put in with his most charming grin.
Ray grinned. "Well, I don't think Egon should have to if he doesn't want to
-"
"Thank you, Raymond."
" - but still, it'd be really fun! C'mon Egon, we'll all be embarrassed and
we'll all have a good laugh. It'll be just great!" He looked at Egon
hopefully.
Egon groaned and sat down, defeated. Not the puppy dog eyes, Ray. Anything
but that. "I realize that I missed out on rather a lot of socialization
with my peers, but I'm sure that this was not something that was a major loss on
my part."
Peter put on his most innocent look, "Now, Spengs, you'll see, this is what
us normal human males do. Okay, Winston, Ray, we'd better demonstrate. I think
our moms all thought it was a good idea to nickname them "Junior" - I
know my mom called mine "Petey Junior", so we'll leave those ones out,
unless there's any really weird ones." The others nodded. "Besides,
that cryptic remark from before has me curious, Winston. What, pray tell, is the
nickname that applies to our Tex here?"
Ray turned several shades redder than his hair. "Well, um..."
Egon's dry voice interrupted. "Since you were so keen to have this
discussion, Peter, I suggest that YOU be the first to volunteer
information."
"No, it's okay, I'll do it," Ray agreed, though his face was red.
"Um, aside from the "Little Ray", of course, I didn't really have
a nickname for it. It was just sort of, you know...it. It was just there. But
Winston decided that it had to have a name, and he came up with this really
weird one.…"
"Which was?"
Ray looked at Winston, who was stifling his amusement and shrugging. "Hey,
I LIKE the name, Ray! It fits you perfectly, m'man. Go on, tell 'em!"
"Uhh..." Ray scratched his head. "He calls it the Energizer
Bunny."
Egon choked on a sip of water. Peter burst out laughing. "You mean like in
the commercial?"
Winston grinned. "Oh yeah. You haven't seen this boy in action."
Clearing his throat, he did a very good imitation of the commercial.
"Energizer keeps going and going and going..."
Laughter filled the small room for a good few minutes. Even Egon laughed, his
deep voice unmistakable in the noise. Ray was beet red, but couldn't help
laughing. "Yeah, okay, now it's you guys turn."
Winston sighed. "Ah, okay, m'man. Well, I had a really annoying and
embarrassing one given to mine by an old girlfriend...."
"Oh, do tell...."
"Peter, please restrain yourself or I will be forced to do it for
you."
"Ooh, feeling kinky tonight, Spengs?"
"Guys, it's Winston's turn," Ray said plaintively. "I
wanna hear!"
The other two subsided.
"You laugh, Venkman, and you die, I'm warning you," Winston glared.
"She called it the Big Chocolate Delight, okay?"
The threat proved useless against Peter at that. Egon bit his lip and tried not
to appear amused, but his shoulders shook in what was certainly not a suppressed
sneezing fit.
"That doesn't sound too bad, Winston," Ray said, trying desperately to
suppress his own laughter.
"Well, it was okay...until she decided to call it Cadbury's."
That did it. The room broke up, all four men collapsing against the furniture,
trying to remember how to breathe. Ray found it the funniest, gasping out,
"A glass...and a half...of full cream - oh God!" He dissolved into
helpless laughter again, and it was some time before they sobered up enough to
put Peter on the interrogation block.
"Your turn, Peter..."
"Okay. Well, the first girl I ever went out with was a real Trekkie. She
called mine the Enterprise."
Raised eyebrows and snickers greeted this, and Peter snorted. "God, you
guys haven't heard the worst of it yet. Every time after that, she started
saying how my balls were like the nacelles of the ship, or she'd complain that I
was going at warp speed.…" The laughter took over again. "Oh yeah,
yeah, laugh at a man when he's down, why don't you?"
"I thought that was the point of this exercise, Doctor Venkman," Egon
pointed out amid chuckles.
"Yeah, okay, sure. But when she looked at it and started saying
"Captain's Log, Stardate blah blah blah", I got the hell outta there.
No kidding, she did! But the name kinda stuck."
"Indeed," Egon said dryly. "I may even start using this nomer, as
it is, ahem, shall we say boldly appropriate for our relationship."
"Huh? Boldly...go where no man has gone bef- Spengs!"
Egon smirked and remained in dignified, amused silence until Ray broke the
silence. "Hey, Egon...it's your turn!"
"Oh, yes, I remember," Peter turned a sly gaze towards his
lover that had the physicist searching desperately for an exit-any exit.
"Spengs," he said sweetly, "spill it."
Egon sighed and pushed his glasses up with his finger, thinking, I did agree
to this, and I did listen and participate. It would hardly be fair….
"Very well," he conceded reluctantly. "Take a guess."
Ray immediately looked intrigued, as did Winston. "A guess?"
Peter stroked his chin. "Oooookay...this could be fun! You ARE going to
give us clues, aren't you, Egon?"
Egon sighed. "Yes, I will give you clues."
Peter cracked his knuckles ominously, and they all settled down for a
Twenty-Questions style interrogation.
"Is it the name of a human?"
"No, it is not."
"Vegetable?"
"Certainly not." Egon looked offended at the very notion.
"Animal?"
"No."
"Mineral?"
"Not precisely…."
Peter looked at the others. "Huh? Okay, explain that, Spengs."
"It could be said to be made of certain minerals, as well as other
substances."
"Oh terrific, like that helps us any."
"Hold on...Egon, is this to do with science?"
"Yes."
"Is it the same general shape as a penis?"
"Well, yes, I suppose you could say that..."
"The Test Tube of Glory!"
"NO, Peter!"
"Damn."
"Um, okay, is it to do with physics?"
"Not directly."
"Mold?"
"No."
"Ummm...computers?"
"Er...well, yes..."
Frowning, they all thought about this for a moment. Egon stood up abruptly.
"Perhaps this would be a fortuitous time for me to make some cocoa..."
Ray suddenly burst into a paroxysm of silent laughter.
"...a very fortuitous time," Egon concluded, making for the door at an
undignified pace that could reasonably be called a sprint.
Peter cast a puzzled glance at Ray, who calmed down enough to whisper in his ear
briefly before dissolving again, going limp against the sofa while Peter
practically yelled with laughter, taking off after Egon. The mystery was solved
for Winston when Peter's voice floated, distant but clear, from the kitchen.
"Get over here, Spengs! I wanna play with the Joystick!"