The
Mushroom Ring
Ray Stantz put the finishing
touches to his latest term paper, double-checked he'd remembered to write his
name on the cover, then placed it to one side with a relieved sigh. One down,
thousands more to go. Oh well, at least he wasn't as far behind as Peter was.
Egon was having kittens; the tall blond had made it his personal responsibility
to see that Peter Venkman made it through to a full doctorate.
Last night he'd promised to
tie the young quarterback to his chair if he didn't stay home and do some school
work this weekend. Peter had smirked and quipped 'promises, promises', but he'd
agreed to do it any way. Egon on the warpath was a fearsome sight.
Talking of Egon, Ray could
hear the ca...ca...car...tar of his beat up mini pulling in to the driveway
right now. Sure enough this was soon followed by the sound of a key in the door
and the thunk of a pile of heavy books hitting the sideboard tabletop. Then the
young science student himself walked in, looking worn out and tired. Ray
immediately gave him all his concentration; Egon rarely looked anything but calm
and in control.
"Bad night?" Ray
asked, concerned. He didn't like it when Egon stayed overnight with one of his
dates, it worried him.
"I am never dating
another man as long as I live." Egon declared, dropping into their worn out
lounge and scrabbling underneath it with one long arm. He eventually came up
with a box, from which he took the makings of a roll-your-own joint and a
lighter. He made the joint with unpracticed but meticulous care and lit the end,
inhaling hard to gain the desired hit.
Ray stared at him owl eyed.
This was not normal Spengler behavior. He hunted around for something to say and
eventually went for the less inflammatory topic.
"Peter's going to be
pissed you broke into his stash," he said it mildly to hide his concern.
Dragging his chair over he pulled it in close and sat on it backwards so he
could look down into his friend's face. Egon had sprawled out on the lounge,
eyes closed, head tilted back, mouth in a tight and unhappy line.
"Peter only keeps
marijuana to impress his many dates with. He will not mind my taking this one
joint." He replied, taking another drag and holding it in before blowing
out a perfect smoke ring. Ray sighed with envy. Taking out his own packet of
cigarettes he lit up and tried to blow a similar ring, with no success
what-so-ever. Egon blew another and watched as it sped through the heart of the
first.
"What's wrong?" Ray
tried, inhaling some of the fragrant smoke from Egon's pot and blinking as it
made his eyes water. Ray couldn't smoke the stuff, he was mildly allergic to it.
"I need to unwind."
Came the stoic rejoinder.
"Uh, this mean you're
gonna start growing those magic mushrooms again?" Ray asked curiously,
watching as Egon blew another ring and skewered it again with a second. He
murmured with annoyance as his own attempts to emulate the move resulted in a
giant puff of smoke without the desired hole in the middle. Blast it.
"Negative,
Raymond." Egon began pompously, then sighed and deflated a little as he
thought about what he wanted to say. "After the unfortunate incident Sue
Hannifin had with her narcotic enhanced bovine experience I don't believe I
shall ever try to cultivate hallucinogens again."
"But they weren't your
mushrooms, were they?" Ray asked, surprised and a little distracted. Egon
had a rip along one side of his collar. How had that happened?
"Not that I am aware of.
I believe she grew them herself, but they could have been mine. We did supply
the Club with half a dozen to get involved with their society." Egon
frowned to himself, hoping once more that it hadn't been his thallophytic plants
that had caused Sue's unfortunate experience.
He looked up at Ray's curious
face and worried that he might still want to keep growing the illegal fungi.
Best to give him another reason to desist now and he knew one sure way to deter
him.
"Besides," he added
cunningly, "it was getting harder to keep their cultivation a secret from
Peter. I would have hated to have him get it in his obelisk like cranium that
they could be an easy form of money making."
Bad enough that he and Ray
had had used them to make inroads on the imperious members of the Chemistry
Club. If it wasn't such a prestigious clique to belong to, and necessary if you
had designs on using certain hard to get at pieces of laboratory equipment, he
would never have devised the plan to begin with. He could only imagine what the
fame and fortune chasing Venkman would have done with the much sort after
fungus.
"He wouldn't do
that." Ray defended Peter immediately. Egon crooked one eyebrow, blue eyes
twinkling knowingly and Ray grimaced. "Well, okay, he might." Egon was
right; Ray wouldn't do anything to jeopardize Peter's precarious grasp on 'the
side of good.' The poor guy had to face such a huge fight with his conscience,
as it was, no need to be adding more temptations in his way.
They sat in silence for a
while, dragging on their respective smokes. At length Ray shook his head sadly
"Poor Sue Hannifin. I hope she doesn't get any diseases from eating the
grass out on the sports field, it's pretty unhygienic. I wonder what it was
like, thinking she was a cow. Could be the bases of some ancient lycanthropy
legends, wish I could ask her what it was like. Do you think she'll be coming
back to classes soon?"
"I do not anticipate
that she will, Raymond. We are lucky to have escaped her fate."
"I guess." Ray took
another drag on his cigarette and contemplated the ruin of their fellow
chemistry student. It had not been pleasant, musings on possible links to
ancient legends aside. The police had been called, as well as the paramedics. He
exhaled a plume of smoke and imagined he could hear her mournful lowing and
bellows of unhappiness still.
"You should give those
things up, Raymond." Egon mentioned, eyes half lidded as he watched his
auburn haired friend inhale. "One of my father's research groups has found
hidden indications of several detrimental health factors."
"But it makes me look
like James Dean." Ray said earnestly, flicking ash onto the floor. Egon
sighed. There was no use arguing about it, not when Peter had taken up the habit
to impress others as well. Not, indeed, his conscience reminded him, with the
magic mushroom fiasco hovering over his head. He was hardly a candidate for
upstanding citizenship, now was he?
"Whatever." He
agreed, waving a hand to indicate his disinterest. Ray took this as a sign that
the marijuana was affecting Egon's thought processes and decided to ask his
question.
"Um, why did you say you
weren't going to date another man as long as you lived, Egon?" He looked
down at his friend with wide, concerned eyes. Egon's coming out had been
low-keyed but intensely emotional. The physical changes he had made were
startling, his avowed quest for consequence free love and comfort had kept
Peter's nose in his psychology books as he sort worriedly for possible
disastrous outcomes. Bet he didn't see this coming.…
"Because it is too much
trouble, Ray. I was expecting wild and hedonistic sex, what did I get? Nothing
but marriage proposals." Egon turned to stare at his joint accusingly, as
if he thought the burnt twist of paper and herbage had caused his unhappiness.
"Women were bad enough. I'd go on a date and the woman I was with would be
picking out the names for our first born son by the time dessert was served. How
does Peter manage it?"
"Face it Egon," Ray
smiled at him, "you're a keeper."
"Well I won't have it,
I'm not ready to settle down yet. Men were supposed to be different. From here
on in I'm dedicating myself to science. Celibacy beckons, Raymond. As of now I
am no longer a homosexual." Egon took another toke, dragging heavily to get
the larger smoke particles to interact with his blood stream.
"Does that mean you
won't be wearing the pink shirts any more?" Ray asked, trying to keep the
hope from showing in his voice. Egon's coming out had been quite a shock, not
least of all to his roommates' optic nerves.
"Hmm, no. I believe I
shall keep the shirts, and the hairstyle. I quite like the red frames for my
glasses, though these stove pipe trousers and the string tie will have to go. I
hate having tight things around my waist and the tie is a bit of a passé
fashion statement now-a-days. I will have to call Murray and cancel the order
for a poodle, as well."
"A poodle?" Ray
blinked, giving Egon a curious sideways look.
"Indubitably, it is a
requisite part of the gay life style. I was informed that I could be exempt from
the poodle rule as I already have big hair, but I wanted to cover all my bases.
Now I don't have to. It is something of a relief, actually." Egon stared
into the middle distance, then became aware of his friend leaning over him once
more. "Um, as one of my last acts as a gay man, Raymond, I'd like to
recommend that you try a little Henna with your shampoo. It would bring out your
red highlights and give life to your entire look."
"I have red
highlights?" Ray asked, surprised.
"Oh yes. They are
definitely there. And as I am disposing of my less cherished gay possessions,
would you like the leopard print fur bean bag, Ray?"
"Would I! Yeah, that is,
if you are sure..."
"Oh yes. Yes
indeed." Egon's expression turned darker, he pursed his lips in remembered
distress. "My date tonight turned out to be quite possessive, as well as
extremely minimalist in the genital department. Jacky Ho tried to entice me into
living with him, and it was only the first intimate encounter we had had. It was
the last straw. I am not dating men again." Egon threw a hand
melodramatically over his eyes. "They are all swine."
"Egon, he...did he try
to make you stay, with force?" Ray gulped as his eyes riveted to a purple
bruise showing from under a pink cuff.
"A little." Egon
growled acknowledgement, drawing angrily upon his joint. "But I managed to
turn the tables on him. He backed off, and unless he is more mentally challenged
than I supposed, he won't be bothering me again. But this isn't the first time
this sort of incident has occurred and I'm just not interested in it happening
again. I'm through, officially back in the closet and there I intend to
remain."
"Did he hurt you?"
Ray let the rest of Egon's speech flow over him, concentrating on what was
important. He got up from his chair and moved to Egon's side, reaching out a
hesitant hand to run it gently down the other man's ribs.
"There are a few bruises
on my wrists, Ray. I promise you, nothing more." Egon's eyes felt heavy and
the drug had taken the edge from his anger and outrage. He didn't care any more.
It was all unimportant.
I'll kill him. Peter
will kill him. Ray thought, his eyes
tightening in a fierce frown. Reaching over he captured a languid hand and
lifted it to roll the shirt cuff down. He looked grimly at the marks left there.
They were dark and angry looking. The corners of Ray's usually genial mouth
turned downwards even more. He wouldn't let anyone get away with doing this.
He'd go and pay this guy a visit and if he ever went near his friend again Mr.
Jacky Ho was a dead man!
"Mmm." Egon was
finding it hard to keep his eyes open. Someone was snuggling up next to him on
the couch, wrapping protective arms around his shoulders and telling him it
would be all right. To his surprise Egon felt tears on his face and discovered
they were his. How absurd. If it wasn't too much of an effort he would have
laughed, but all the energy was draining from him. He felt gentle fingers take
the burning joint from his lax fingers and someone kissed his forehead.
"Hey, Egon." Rays
voice came persistent in his ear.
"Hmm?" he answered,
on the very brink of sleep.
"Why haven't you and
Peter ever gotten together? You two'd be great for each other." Ray was
snuggling in against his side.
"Peter is a boy."
Egon sniffed with disdain. "I only, I 'used' to, date men. Besides, we did
kiss once." He tried to shift into a more comfortable position on the
lounge, but was unsuccessful.
"What happened?"
"He said it was like
kissing his mother. I concurred, although I have never tried to French kiss
Mother before."
Ray giggled and Egon smiled.
He couldn't get comfortable, he suddenly realized, because Ray had something in
his top pocket digging into his shoulder. He asked what it was and Ray brought
it forth.
"It's that photo we had
taken at the Chess Club's picnic. Peter is in it, remember he was trying to chat
up Mrs. Wesley?" He held up the photo and Egon lifted heavy eyelids to look
at the blurred image. The three of them stood, arms around each other's
shoulders, making rabbit ears with their fingers behind each others heads. It
had been a good day, he thought. A very good day.
"My god, would you look
at those hair styles!" Winston laughed, grabbing the photo from Ray's hand
and holding it up to the light.
"Hey, Zed, don't laugh
to hard there." Peter grinned at him, "Remember who's seen your family
album, Mr. 'Afro'."
Winston screwed up his nose
at the reminder. He then turned his attention back to the photo. Ray had chosen
it for the charity raffle for the guy's old Uni campus upgrade. It was
interesting to see the other three Ghostbusters looking so young.
"Is that Egon? What the
heck is he wearing?"
"Ah, that would be from
his thankfully short lived 'gay' period." Peter answered dryly, sneaking a
peek at Egon's response from the corner of his eye. Damn, not a twitch.
"Egon had a gay
period?" Winston sounded...intrigued. Peter shot him a warning glare. He'd
always had suspicions about Zed.
"Indeed I did."
Egon admitted, coming over to look at the picture himself and grimacing.
"Those pants were hell," he added, looking at the indicated outerwear
and shifting in remembered discomfort.
"I like the two tone
shoes." Winston smiled at him.
"You're all smoking like
chimneys." Janine sniffed, poking her head around for a look. She'd
eventually heard about Egon's 'gay' period from Peter, and his consequential vow
to devote himself to science. Hah, she wasn't blind. She knew what was really
going on, Peter was warning her off! The bastard.
"We were quite the
little factory chimneys back then." Peter agreed, smiling sweetly. He knew
which way Janine's thoughts had gone. Best to distract her immediately.
"Good thing your
hypnotism trick worked," Zed commented, "or the job would have killed
us by now. All that running up and down stairs, I need every bit of lung
capacity for that kind of shit. Smoking was just one big drag."
The others groaned at his
pun. Ray reclaimed his photo and put it in the padded envelope for mailing.
"We sure did some stupid stuff back then, huh Egon. Remember those nights
at the Chem lab?"
"What nights?"
Peter demanded, eyeing him sharply.
"Uh, you never
went." Ray admitted, ignoring Egon's 'deny everything' command that he made
using sign language. Egon rolled his eyes, hastily picked up the telescope lens
that had arrived for him in the mail and made a hasty retreat.
"Just what went on at
these 'Chem lab' nights, Ray?" Peter leaned in, fingers already crooked for
any necessary pinching or tickling that he might have to perform to get the
shorter man talking.
"Well, when you were out
partying with your team after a big game me and Egon would sometimes go to the
lab and ah, join the other science geeks experimenting with recreational drugs.
It was all strictly for science, and we had paramedic students on standby. It
was great. One time I thought I was a giant butterfly and Egon had to cocoon
me."
"You were doing
drugs!?" Peter's mouth fell open in total disbelief.
"Uh, looks like I have
to go post this." Janine said, sidling towards the exit.
"I'll help!"
Winston volunteered. They escaped, the sound of Venkman totally losing his cool
echoing out the firehouse door after them. They walked faster.
"You guy's really used
to do drug's while I was gone?" Peter asked. Night had fallen and he'd
eventually tracked Egon to the roof. Spengler had been fiddling with the new
lens for his telescope, and hoping that Peter wouldn't find him.
"Yes, Peter, we
did." He replied, putting his adjusting tool to one side and sitting down
on the edge of a skylight. "What, you never thought we'd be curious about
drugs too?"
"Yeah...no! I
mean..." Peter came and sat besides him. "I thought you guys were
smarter than that."
"We did invite medical
students to attend, and the drugs we used were made in sterile surroundings to
the most stringent standards." Egon reproved him.
"You could have told
me." Peter said softly, looking pensively at the roof's tarmac.
"No, I don't think we
could. Ray and I didn't want to lose your respect, and we thought that that
might do it. It didn't last, we joined the group for barely one semester. We
didn't take long to see the down sides to drug usage, Peter. But we are both
curious men and we wanted to experience the effects for ourselves."
"You were damned
lucky." Peter ground out, clenching his fists angrily.
"We know. Some of our
collogues were not as lucky, their experiments ended in addiction, and that
still haunts me. Did I encourage their drug taking by participating in it with
them? I may have. But Ray and I both stopped when we knew it was not a
beneficial experience. We won't ever go back to it, Peter. I promise."
"You better not."
Peter growled, then glanced up at his friend. Egon looked contrite, which was
how Ray had looked when Peter had left him. Good thing, too. With a sigh he
forgave his friends past indiscretions and focused instead on the here and now.
They ended up talking about
the photo, what a great day it had been. That led to general reminiscing over
their shared history, and what a great guy Peter had been back in the day. Ray
and Egon hadn't been too shabby, either.
"Remember that time I
kissed you? And we both said it was like kissing our mothers?" Peter
grinned.
"Ah, yes. The kiss. Ray
had high hopes we would get together, you know." Egon replied, remembering
the episode fondly.
Smart man, that Ray.
"Wanna give it another try?" Peter asked aloud, wriggling his eyebrows
luridly. "Just, you know, for old times sake." Egon gave him an odd
look, his eyes shuttered so Peter couldn't tell what he was thinking.
"Hmm, very well. For old
times sake." Egon eventually agreed and leaned forwards to press his lips
to Peters.
Lightning struck. In one
white hot moment New York City disappeared, Ghostbusters Central disappeared -
all that remained was Peter and Egon and the overwhelming need to be as close to
each other as they could physically get. Within moments of their lips touching
they were pressed so tightly against one another it would have taken a strong
man to slide a paper clip between them. They strove back and forth, wavering as
if in a gale, eventually tumbling off their perch on the skylight and onto the
roof's tarmac. Neither Ghostbuster noticed.
"So the two Weevil
brothers go to the big city. One becomes a famous actor and the other goes home.
Naturally he becomes known as the lesser of two Weevils!" Ray grinned
evilly and Winston realized that he was going to regret starting the younger man
on this punning run.
"Whoa, you're on a roll.
Butter stop now, before we get in a pickle." Hell, he just couldn't stop
himself, either. He was hunting around for more bread puns when there was a loud
thud and they both looked upwards.
"Did you see that?"
Winston asked, looking up at the skylight with surprise.
"Yeah." Grinned
Ray. "Isn't it grape? They said they didn't have mushroom for any fungus
but friendship, but I knew they lichen each other! There'll be no truffle in
Paradise now, all it took was thyme!"
The sound of boisterous
activity could be heard overhead and after a while a pale set of buttocks
pressed themselves against the skylight, a pair of long fingered hands resting
on either side momentarily before disappearing from sight.
"Ray, are we having a
flash back(side)?" Winston coughed into his hand, smirking like an idiot.
"Only if love is the
drug of choice!" Ray grinned, causing the other man to cover his eyes and
groan.
"Donut go there, m'man!"
he cried. "Peter and Egon are forking on the roof, we're olive us gonna cop
it when Janine rinds out!"
"But Winston," Ray
gloated, "she'll be cherry peased for them! She'll barely carrot all that
Egon chose Peter, she's scone to date Lewis!"
Bang, Bang, Bang - came from
the roof, interrupting their repartee.
Augh...AAArgh!!! came the
wail from above.
"Looks like Egon's gone
mango-a-mango with Peter and fried his brain." Ray explained.
"He's harvested the
fruit of Pete's loins alright." Winston agreed.
"Think they'd lettuce
get away with apple-ause?" Ray smirked.
"I think they'll tell us
to leaf." Winston responded. Overhead the buttocks had disap-pear-ed,
leaving mere smudges to show where they had been.
"It's turnip-ed out to
bee quite a night." Ray giggled, wrapping his arms around his middle.
"True love has suck-seeded and love has raisin again!" They both gave
in and howled with laughter.
On top of the fire house Egon
and Peter curled lazily up together, blissfully unaware of the pun fest going on
below. They wouldn't have minded missing out on the fun(gus). They where having
a grape time on their own. Let's leaf them too it, they've dessert it! After
all, they had fallen in loaf!