Loving It Up By The Light
Of The Neon Sign
"I am going to find it, Egon, if it takes me twenty years. It's got to be in there somewhere, you're a normally functioning male, so you've darn well got one." Peter Venkman slammed open the door to Ghostbusters Central and shifted the awkward package in his arms to a better angle.
"But are you sure the Pleasure-O-Rama 1000 will work?" Egon Spengler asked from behind him, sounding only mildly interested.
"It's eight inches long, made from soft flexible plastic, has 10 variable speeds and is thin enough not to cause discomfort to even the most uptight newbie," Peter rattled off, having memorized the pamphlet in order to talk his lover into purchasing the thing in the first place. "Just relax and it will all be worth it."
"You aren't going to spend all night trying again, I hope? It gets cold and my knees aren't what they used to be...Good God!"
"What, what?" Peter turned around and scanned the interior of the fire hall, expecting poltergeist, demigods, or lawyers. "Oh my God! Winston! I thought you were going to keep an eye on him!"
Startled Zed yelped and tossed his armful of tinsel in the air. Realizing it was just them he shrugged and looked sheepishly at his teammates. "Guess we did get kind of carried away," he admitted, nudging an empty box of fairy lights out of the way, in hopes Peter hadn't see the price tag.
"There are decorations everywhere! How are we supposed to work with all this? Look, you can't even see Janine's desk!" Peter gestured wildly at the explosion of tinsel, crape, tinfoil and ribbons that bedecked every upright wall and piece of furniture in the building. Staple gunned to each was a veritable treasure trove of baubles: glass, tin, beaded, silk wrapped, glitter dripping imitations of angels, snowmen, icicles, candy canes and everything else that might conceivably be related to Christmas.
Wrapped around that were several cable wheels worth of fairy lights, some carefully wrapped to form images of Santa and Reindeer, others just wound about randomly.
"Isn't it great!" Ray smiled, coming from behind a large plastic Santa lit internally, and somewhat disturbingly, by a red-and-white strobe light. "I've been collecting this stuff for years, and when I couldn't decide what to bring up this year Winston said why not just take it all up! So I did, and it looks amazing!" he surveyed his glittering, twinkling domain with pride.
"Amazing is certainly the word I would chose to describe it." Egon agreed, his voice level as always. "Peter, stop doing that to Winston, I'm sure he didn't mean to ... uh, Ray, why is that giant...er...thing...moving? Is it supposed to?"
They both turned to look at what appeared to be a palm tree made from crepe and ribbons wrapped around what had become a moving object, with tinsel fronds and glass bauble coconuts. Suddenly the crepe paper ripped and a furious Janine Melnitz burst forth!
"I'm not getting paid enough for this!" She yelled, tearing herself free and snatching up her handbag. "I'm going home, there had better be a huge Christmas basket waiting for me on my desk tomorrow morning in apology, or you're gonna be sorry you ever heard the name Janine Melnitz!" and she slammed out the door.
"A basket? This close to Christmas? But, that would mean going in amongst the last minute Christmas shoppers, and I'm too young to die!" Ray looked stricken, but Peter hopped up from where he'd been 'punishing' Winston and shook a stern finger at him.
"You asked for it, wrapping her up like that! Bad Ray, no biscuit!"
"Awww..."
"But don't worry, I'm sure Winston will help you." Peter continued mercilessly over the black man's choked protests.
"Is his insurance paid up?" Egon inquired as the two wrong-doers hastily grabbed their jackets and prepared to face the shopping frenzy like men. That is, whining and complaining all the way.
"Go now my children, lest ye get hit by the post work hour crush." Peter advised.
"No, wait, what...Ray, are those my suspenders?" Egon frowned and pointed at the gilt laden cherub held aloft by what appeared to be Egon's newest set of bright red suspenders.
"We ran out of rope." Ray confessed.
"We'd better run out of here." Winston told him, and they made tracks out the door.
"My suspenders." Egon protested sadly to thin air.
"Poor Spengler. Come upstairs and I'll make it all better." Peter wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.
"Are you sure the weight of gaudy decorations hasn't rendered the building's infrastructure unstable?" Egon protested as Peter hoisted their earlier purchase over one shoulder and dragged him upstairs towards their bedroom. Before they made it that far however, another surprise awaited them, this time in the rec room.
"Ray is a certifiable nut." Peter muttered.
"How did they get it there?" Egon wondered. They stood and gazed with awe at the amazing edifice before them. Atop a veritable pyramid of fairy lights the neon sign from outside, the one that proudly showed their 'No Ghosts' logo, sat like a lumpy star. It glowed brightly through the strings of garlands that draped the room, as if showing off the nightmare mad web of some exotic spider.
"Can we go home now?" Peter asked reflexively.
"This is our home. There are still traces of it to be found, Peter. See, under the bushel of holly hot glued above it sits the door to our room. Unless Ray picked the lock, normalcy should be on the other side."
"You're right! We're saved!" Peter dashed over and opened the door. "I knew I loved you for a reason," he smiled, taking advantage of the semi curtain of Christmas greenery to plant a kiss on his lover's luscious mouth. Mmm, delicious! "C'mon, we got stuff to do." And he pulled him inside.
Ray and Winston left Janine's basket on her desk and carried the rest of their last minute purchases onwards towards their bedroom.
"Winston, do you see that?" Peeking over the box with Egon's new suspenders in them Ray blinked at the scene playing out in the rec room.
"You mean Peter, doing the Snoopy dance butt naked on the coffee table?"
"Um, yeah." Ray agreed. He'd looked over at Peter and Egon's open bedroom door and been mesmerized by what he saw inside. Egon lay, rumpled and flushed looking, his deep yet gentle snores speaking of exhausted contentment.
"Say," Winston continued, bumping Ray's hip to get him moving again. "What is that that Pete's waving around like that anyway?"
"Looks like the Pleasure-O-Rama 1000!" Ray dumped his armload of purchases on the table just inside their bedroom door.
"You mean the one that has 10 variable speeds, is eight inches long, made from soft flexible plastic, and uses the thin newbie attachment?"
"You can use other attachments." Ray smirked, relieving Winston of his armload of fairy light accessories. "Hey, Winston," he added, running a hand up Winston's arm and kneading at his biceps. When Winston's eyes started to get dark and interested Ray tilted his head back and indicated what he had carefully hung there earlier. "Look, mistletoe!" and they kissed.
And a Merry Christmas was had by all.